I couldn't help but think of David today as snowflakes fell to the ground in Chicago. Neither him or I like the cold winter, but we both appreciate the novelty and beauty of the first snow.
There's something really peaceful about watching gigantic white flakes gracefully fall from the sky.
So many things in our world are beautiful. Everyday things like the sunrise and sunset, dew on the grass in the summer, colored leaves in the fall, and snow coating the world in winter. Things that we may appreciate, but don't really spend time thinking about.
Experiencing a great loss, especially when life is lost earlier than expected, it's very normal for belief systems to shift. Many of the things I held as certainties: "God is all powerful," "There is a plan," "Everything happens for a reason," these things that I believed as fact through faith, are suddenly turned to questions.
Trying times encourage you to step back from held certainties, and look through a different lens. My different lens is grounded in a more mature understanding of pain and suffering, yet it is still yearning for hope.
Today as I saw these big flakes fall to the ground, I couldn't help but smile.
Life is beautiful. Our world is beautiful. People and relationships are beautiful. There are blessings in every corner, if you can just see them.
I'm not sure what this means for my questions, but I feel hope in the good. I think that while my lens is grounded by this suffering, it is also more appreciative of life's beauty.
The bad can be overwhelming, but the good is beautiful.
Maybe that is God. Like an idea of yin and yang, the bad exists, because for some reason it has to, but the good exists too.
It's comforting to think that there's some greater plan. Some objective that is being achieved through this suffering, but maybe there isn't. That doesn't mean that we cannot create goodness from hardship.
I would trade all my growth and perspective in a moment if it could bring David back. But since it can't, at least it challenges me to be a better self. I'm challenged to find good, create good, and be good.
I am thankful for that.