Christmas

Our Christmas celebration was kicked off with mass and a gathering of our immediate family. We had a delicious meal, made cookies, played games, and exchanged gifts.

We did a candle lighting ceremony in David's memory:

"As we light these five candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love, and one for our hope.

1. This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.

2. This candle represents our courage- to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives.

3. This candle is in your memory- the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave us.

4. This candle is the light of love. As we enter this holiday season, day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us.

5. And this candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of love and memories of you that are ours forever. May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness now and forever. We love you, David."

This is the first time David has not been with his family for Christmas and he is greatly missed. We miss his love of the season, the sweet way he gave gifts, and his appreciation of food! He was a really special person to have around.

A gift this Christmas is the ability to be happy, while also being sad. There were times when I didn't know or understand how that day could ever come.

I am so sad that David is not here with us this Christmas. I am sad that I can't call him to talk or make plans together. I am sad that I have to live the rest of my life here without him.

I am also happy. I am happy to be with my family. I am happy that we can still laugh together. I am thankful for them.

I feel peace knowing that David is at peace. I feel hope when I imagine his new reality.

I know for certain that David's spirit lives in each of those whom he loved. His memory lives through us, and that is most comforting.

One of my favorite poems is written by EE Cummings,

"I Carry your Heart."

 

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

 

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear;

 

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

 I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

 

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

 

which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

I love the message in this poem. The idea that unconditional love is the dance and exchange of two hearts, something that can never go away. I feel this for David, and now carry him on in my heart.

 

Merry Christmas to you, David, I love you.

Merry Christmas to you all! Sending my love to you and your families in this very special time of year. God Bless!

Brothers and Sisters

I have been enjoying time with my sister for the last couple days. She has arrived home after a semester abroad. Spending time with her, I have been made so aware of her similarities to David. I talk to my brothers and feel the same way: things they say, what they do, and how they do it; all is so reminiscent of my brother, David.

Talking with them reminds me of all of our similarities: our intrinsic, natural kin-ness. It reminds me of the value and beauty in brothers and sisters. There is no one else in the world as paradoxically similar and unique as your siblings. We all share the same two wonderful parents, and are each a speckled version of their different traits.

We have been created by the generations before, and we will create generations after. David will never have his own children, but we will carry forth many of his beautiful qualities. We are not him, yet we each have a part of him in us. His memory will live in our hearts, and his spirit in ours. Our children will know him through us. Not only through his memory we share, but also through who we are. We are different yet we are the same, and that brings me some comfort.

It is important to recognize and appreciate what an incredible gift family is. In the best of times and in the worst of times, they are our blood: the carrying agent that brings life to us. They are part of us, and us a part of them.

Christmas will be difficult this year because someone very important will be missing. The blessing is that we remain, and David will be there in all of us. We will be reunited and we will be reminded of the things we love about David, through each other.

We will laugh and we will cry. We will probably fight, but we will make up with "I love you."

We will be there. We will celebrate the life that we have, and the many blessings we've been given. 

We will remember our brother David and as always, we will miss him.

Skiing over Christmas vacation at Sundown.

Night out in South Beach Miami before David left for Colombia.

Perfect afternoon at the Park Farm Winery this summer. 

Beautiful place, beautiful people.