Tuesday, December 31, 2013

We Are Here Now

In our busy lives, it often takes extrinsic motivators to inspire self-reflection. It is nice to have certain days throughout the year to constructively assess where you have been, where you are, and where you are going. New Year’s Eve is really the grandest of them all.

December 31st, marks the milestone of another completed year. Tomorrow is the first day of the next year: a symbolic fresh start or clean slate.

Reflecting on 2013 is difficult for me. It was an eventful year with my wedding and the loss of David: it has been a year filled with highs and lows. There has been excitement and heartbreak, happiness and despair.

The emotions are painfully contradictory. How can love be so pure, and pain be so raw, at the very same time?

I am not sure if feeling happiness first makes the pain more severe, or if the pain is made more bearable with the memory of joy. Either way, it's difficult to look back at this year and see these polar opposite experiences so close to each other.

2013 has opened my eyes to real pain, real loss, and real questions. It is a year that has shaken the ground upon which I stand. I have been confronted with the honest reality of life: created in an instant, developed over years, and gone in a moment.

Doesn't it seem impossible? It is counter-intuitive that something that requires so much work, perseverance, and patience, can end in the blink of an eye.

This year, I have learned that there are questions that will go unanswered, there are actions left undone, and words left unsaid.

There is no promise of tomorrow, but there is today. There is only this moment for certain, there is this breath and this thought. Life is delicate, fragile, and fleeting but we are here now.

2013 will forever hold the most recent, most dear memories with my brother David. It will house the memories of my wedding and the joy that was felt. It will hold the sorrow of losing my brother.

2013 will be a changing point, no doubt; a clear fork in the road of my life’s journey. This year holds experience and growth that I wish I never had to experience. Since I did, I am thankful for the ability to endure. 

Holding this close to my heart always, I will move forward to 2014.

As the new year draws near, I breath in and breath out, thankful for this moment. Thankful for the year's end and hopeful for the new year's beginning.

This coming year, I hope to be better. Following David’s example, I hope to be more compassionate, more loving, more grounded, and more curious. Inspired by his spirit, I will strive to do my best every day.

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